"I'm all alone..."
The pawns, sentinels in a world gone mad
"kOOky"
The knights, didn't read the rules of passing other pieces
"Piety means traveling in diagonals. Diagonals, my children!"
The bishops, holy sidlers
"We're big and we're mean... and we're usually stuck where we are. But when we aren't, watch out! Stupid pawn wall."
The rooks, usually sidelined for most of the match
"I am the ultimate power in the universe! BAHAHAAHA! Hey, bugger off, stop following me."
The queen, center of the action
"My life sucks. It's long moments of guarded tedium followed by sheer terror."
The king, bored out of his skull
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