Harry Dodder

"Lord Voldemort? More like Lord Mouldymort! Because he was... like... bald, and... really ugly... I guess... and now he's dead, 'cause I killed him and stuff... Mouldymort? Anybody? Is this thing on?"
Harry Potter, former hero of the wizarding world and short-lived stand-up comic

"Who gives a damn if I'm gay? I'm still awesome."
Albus Dumbledore, the friendly badass

"My family is poor and constantly mocked, one brother travels abroad all the time, the other is part werewolf or something and is married to a sex goddess, the twins are insane and my sister is shacked up with my best friend. Yeah, I may be a prig about relationships, but let's see YOU be normal under those circumstances!"
Ron Weasley, on his rocky romances

"My fandom creeps the hell out of me. You have no idea."
Draco Malfoy, eternal boy-toy

The Lord of the Wrings

“When Gandalf mentioned a ring, I thought he might be proposing, and… I… I mean, look at his actor, and… well, I guess I’d better put this dress away.”
Frodo Baggins

“You have no idea how hard I had to pitch myself to get included in those damn movies. Went to auditions, screen tests, role calls, every production meeting they ever had… it was brutal. And then they cut me out of the third movie completely! First Tolkein, now Peter Jackson? What is this?! I’m the villain of the story, for god’s sake! Not some fiery eye in the sky! Bullshit, I tell you.”
Sauron, during an interview at his Nebraska home

“I didn’t want the ring, per se. I just had my social insurance number written on the inner band. I always forget the last three digits. You can’t get any good jobs as a creepy underground fish eater without your SIN.”
Gollum

"'One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.' Huh. Sorry, Frodo, I thought this was actually important."
Gandalf the Grey, shortly before tossing the One Ring back in the fire and sitting down for a nice cup of tea