Chess Mess

"I'm all alone..."
The pawns, sentinels in a world gone mad

"kOOky"
The knights, didn't read the rules of passing other pieces

"Piety means traveling in diagonals. Diagonals, my children!"
The bishops, holy sidlers

"We're big and we're mean... and we're usually stuck where we are. But when we aren't, watch out! Stupid pawn wall."
The rooks, usually sidelined for most of the match

"I am the ultimate power in the universe! BAHAHAAHA! Hey, bugger off, stop following me."
The queen, center of the action

"My life sucks. It's long moments of guarded tedium followed by sheer terror."
The king, bored out of his skull

Teh Random

“You’re asking me if I’ve ever done drugs? Just watch one of my interviews, man. What do you think?”
Jeff Bridges, most relaxed dude in the universe

“The next person to make fun of my haircut on the show will feel the cold, unending kiss of the void. Kneel before me, dogs!”
Leonard Nimoy, doesn’t mess around

“I hate you! I hate all of you! I hate this whole goddamned family and everything it stands for! I hope you all rot in hell!”
Most people after losing a game of Monopoly