Final Flantasy

"I'm not THAT emo. Good lord, fan boys and girls, stop hurting my portfolio."
Squall, Final Fantasy VIII, tired of being typecast

"It's nice being a hottie. It makes people forget that you burned down a village, killed dozens of people and threatened the world with virtual extinction. Bless these silver locks."
Sephiroth, Final Fantasy VII, glamorous

"remake meeee"
Final Fantasy VII, crying out for logic in a chaotic world

Neentendo

“That Peach, she is... she is so… how do you say, unclean prostitute?”
Mario, Super Mario Bros.


“I always a-wished I hadda the red, you know? The green, she is nice, but, ah, she doesna no stand out, you know? Red is-a dynamic! In-a your face! The green… well, poor weegee don’t geta much attention these days. Someatimes I just don’t get outta the bed.”
Luigi, Super Mario Bros.

“I want a donut for once. Power pellets can bite me. Yes, I get the irony!”
Pac Man, of the same name

“I can’t… I can’t take it anymore. There’s no room for growth! For expansion! My career is going nowhere! How dramatic can you be when all you do is say your name over and over? My talents are being wasted! I’m the ultimate typecast actor!”
Pikachu of Pokemon, regarding its dwindling career

Video Lames

“I know, I know, I screw up and lose the princess every time. I’m a staunch believer in karma now, though, ‘cause I’m wicked lucky at the slots. How do you think I afford all my wacky plots?”
Bowser, Super Mario Bros.

“Why rings? I dunno. You don’t ask questions in my line of work. You just do what you’re told.”
Sonic the Hedgehog, hinting at sinister designs behind unexplained game mechanics

“Boba Fett. And the guys from COBRA. Maybe Samus, as well. They all really opened up the field for masked action stars like me. Show your face? Forget about it.”
Master Chief, Halo

“Miss-a the old days? Are you-a crazy? It’s so much easier to not-a get hit in three-dee! Those old games, they were-a pure torture halfa the time! Mama mia, to-a hell with retro!”
Mario, Super Mario Bros.

Of actors and reptiles

“I will be the death of film, because when I die… well, what’s the point of going on?”
Morgan Freeman, actor extraordinaire

“People know me best as a rough-and-tumble super soldier type guy who can never be beat, but… truth is, I’m sensitive. I write a lot of poetry. I like watching the sunset while sipping a venti. My world is a pit of lyrical loneliness. You just don’t understand!”
Solid Snake, moments before bursting into bitter tears

“I just want to talk, but you assholes keep shooting me!”
Godzilla, misunderstood

“I have two great loves. The first is the theatre, and all things Shakespearean. The second? Nachos. Oh, how I adore nachos.”
Kenneth Branaugh, snuggling a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos